How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

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Blue Frost
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How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 165672Unread post Blue Frost »

My confidence is questioned every time I do something, even if people think I do a great job, or am nice I still question.
I accept I have flaws, but maybe I can do better, my work is flawed people accept it, and like it.
Good enough just isn't for me so my confidence suffers.


"Being alone isn't what hurts. It's when the people around you make you feel alone" ~ Naruto Uzumaki, an Anime Character
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How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 165706Unread post Odinson »

I hate people who are happy all the time..

Energizer bunnies make good targets.
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How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 165707Unread post Gary Oak »

I like people that are happy all the time. Hopefully some of that happiness will rub off on me.
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How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 165710Unread post Blue Frost »

Happy is alright, I like happy people since they are a rarity anymore.
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How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 167102Unread post Gary Oak »

It has recently occurred to me once again how being positive can pay off.

How to programme your winning mentality
Our mind comes as standard equipment at birth. It's free, and we don't tend to value the things that we get for free .

France coach Didier Deschamps is held up by players to celebrate winning the World Cup. REUTERS/Christian Hartmann/File Photo

In programming your winning mindset, the key to success, and failure, is simply this...'we become what we think about'.

We have a distinct advantage over every other living creature on planet Earth because we have 100% control over how we choose to think. Not just control over how we think, but how we choose to think. We can deliberately change it at any point during any given day.
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We are bright people and most of us learned long ago to avoid situations in which we fear. This could have been situations which we personally experienced or situations we learned through experiences of others. For example, you've had a long relationship; you split up – now your mind creates an association of fear and pain with relationships. There's now a little voice inside your head, which says to you: don't go there again, don't expose yourself, don't step outside your comfort zone, and don't expose yourself to that pain.

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In many situations, this makes eminent sense. Our mind is programmed to protect us and in doing so avoid situations where we might get hurt (physically or emotionally) or where we might lose, fail or be rejected. We have a built-in early warning system that alert our minds to these kinds of situations so that we can avoid them.

But here's the critical part.

Unfortunately, this early warning system often leaks over into other areas of our lives where we aren't at true risk. Our goal is to grow and therefore we should programme our mindset to engage with life, step outside our comfort zone, take calculated risks, learn to become comfortably uncomfortable, learn to thrive on the adventure of life and see the unknown as our friend not our foe. It's about being comfortable with uncertainty, knowing that uncertainty is the catalyst for growth.

You have a choice to change negative thoughts and behaviours into positive, enabling and empowering thoughts and behaviours. The way you choose to think is key to you being able to create the mindset and outcomes you want. I know that's easy enough to say when everything is going great. You feel powerful, successful and can easily propel yourself forward. But life is about ups and downs and at some point, you will face some sort of challenge or failure.

It's at that those critical junctures, what I call your defining moments or defining choice points, that your ability to harness your winning mentality will set you apart.
Positive thinking
John Cronin, who has Down Syndrome and is co-founder of John's Crazy Socks, an online sock store that donates a percentage of its sales to charities that help others with disabilities, smiles at their headquarters in Melville, New York, U.S., July 23, 2018. REUTERS/Shannon Stapleton

When someone has faced failure, a knock down or worse, what is it that created their mental strength, their personal resilience to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and go again?

It was their ability to hone, polish, develop and refine their positive attitude. But if programming your winning mentality and shaping your positive attitude are so critical to success, the question is how do you do it and why haven't more people mastered this essential life skill?

Our mind comes as standard equipment at birth. It's free, and we don't tend to value the things that we get for free or use them to their full potential, because we tend to take them for granted.
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The human mind does not care what you think, it will simply do as it's told. A concrete, worthwhile goal, or confusion, misunderstanding, fear and anxiety. It's all the same to the human mind, which is happy to manifest either in abundance.

Some of the most important conversations you have are the ones inside your head...with yourself. It's critical you pay attention and truly listen to your inner voice and the quality of the internal conversations taking place.

The mind is such a powerful force and no matter what programmes you've previously run or what thoughts you've given greatest attention to in the past, the great news is you can override even years of poor programming with the right focus.

Focus on how you choose to dedicate yourself to the way you think, how you choose to dedicate yourself to being positive, how you choose to dedicate yourself to reacting in a positive way.

If your waking hours are consumed with positive, enabling thoughts, ideas and strategies, what's going to happen? You will become those positive, enabling thoughts. The things you say and words you use have equal power to shape your thoughts. Be aware of your choice of words, what they mean and the impact they can have on yourself and others. You get action when you make a simple change from 'I should' to 'I must.'

A winning mentality is not only critical to your success, it's entirely yours to choose. If you're not yet practicing a winning mentality every day by conscious, deliberate choice - start now. It's not an overstatement to suggest that it can literally change everything!

https://www.ibtimes.co.uk/how-programme ... ty-1666282
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How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 167328Unread post Blue Frost »

I suggest all the time to people that if someone brings you down all the time maybe it's time to part ways.
Distancing yourself form even family can be a good thing if they are a constant drain on you.
"Being alone isn't what hurts. It's when the people around you make you feel alone" ~ Naruto Uzumaki, an Anime Character
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How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 167343Unread post Renee »

Blue Frost wrote: August 25th, 2018, 10:19 pm I suggest all the time to people that if someone brings you down all the time maybe it's time to part ways.
Distancing yourself form even family can be a good thing if they are a constant drain on you.
The best way to attract "positive" or what most of us would call... "the right kind of people" is to practice proper personal hygiene on a daily basis and try not to fart in places like elevators.
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How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 167347Unread post Blue Frost »

That's positive :) I like clean non farting people around me. :laugh:
really though if people would take care of themselves they would feel better about themselves.
"Being alone isn't what hurts. It's when the people around you make you feel alone" ~ Naruto Uzumaki, an Anime Character
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How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 168707Unread post Gary Oak »

The Science Behind Happy Relationships

When it comes to relationships, most of us are winging it. We’re exhilarated by the early stages of love, but as we move onto the general grind of everyday life, personal baggage starts to creep in and we can find ourselves floundering in the face of hurt feelings, emotional withdrawal, escalating conflict, insufficient coping techniques and just plain boredom. There’s no denying it: making and keeping happy and healthy relationships is hard.

But a growing field of research into relationships is increasingly providing science-based guidance into the habits of the healthiest, happiest couples — and how to make any struggling relationship better. As we’ve learned, the science of love and relationships boils down to fundamental lessons that are simultaneously simple, obvious and difficult to master: empathy, positivity and a strong emotional connection drive the happiest and healthiest relationships.


Maintaining a strong emotional connection
“The most important thing we’ve learned, the thing that totally stands out in all of the developmental psychology, social psychology and our lab’s work in the last 35 years is that the secret to loving relationships and to keeping them strong and vibrant over the years, to falling in love again and again, is emotional responsiveness,” says Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist in Ottawa and the author of several books, including Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

That responsiveness, in a nutshell, is all about sending a cue and having the other person respond to it. “The $99 million question in love is, ‘Are you there for me?’” says Johnson. “It’s not just, ‘Are you my friend and will you help me with the chores?’ It’s about emotional synchronicity and being tuned in.”

“Every couple has differences,” continues Johnson. “What makes couples unhappy is when they have an emotional disconnection and they can’t get a feeling of secure base or safe haven with this person.” She notes that criticism and rejection — often met with defensiveness and withdrawal — are exceedingly distressing, and something that our brain interprets as a danger cue.

To foster emotional responsiveness between partners, Johnson pioneered Emotionally Focused Therapy, in which couples learn to bond through having conversations that express needs and avoid criticism. “Couples have to learn how to talk about feelings in ways that brings the other person closer,” says Johnson.

According to Carrie Cole, director of research for the Gottman Institute, an organization dedicated to the research of marriage, emotional disengagement can easily happen in any relationship when couples are not doing things that create positivity. “When that happens, people feel like they’re just moving further and further apart until they don’t even know each other anymore,” says Cole. That focus on positivity is why the Gottman Institute has embraced the motto “small things often.” The Gottman Lab has been studying relationship satisfaction since the 1970s, and that research drives the Institute’s psychologists to encourage couples to engage in small, routine points of contact that demonstrate appreciation.


One easy place to start is to find ways to compliment your partner every day, says Cole — whether it’s expressing your appreciation for something they’ve done or telling them, specifically, what you love about them. This exercise can accomplish two beneficial things: First, it validates your partner and helps them feel good about themselves. And second, it helps to remind you why you chose that person in the first place.

Listen to the brain, not just your heart
When it comes to the brain and love, biological anthropologist and Kinsey Institute senior fellow Helen Fisher has found — after putting people into a brain scanner — that there are three essential neuro-chemical components found in people who report high relationship satisfaction: practicing empathy, controlling one’s feelings and stress and maintaining positive views about your partner.


In happy relationships, partners try to empathize with each other and understand each other’s perspectives instead of constantly trying to be right. Controlling your stress and emotions boils down to a simple concept: “Keep your mouth shut and don’t act out,” says Fisher. If you can’t help yourself from getting mad, take a break by heading out to the gym, reading a book, playing with the dog or calling a friend — anything to get off a destructive path. Keeping positive views of your partner, which Fisher calls “positive illusions,” are all about reducing the amount of time you spend dwelling on negative aspects of your relationship. “No partner is perfect, and the brain is well built to remember the nasty things that were said,” says Fisher. “But if you can overlook those things and just focus on what’s important, it’s good for the body, good for the mind and good for the relationship.”

http://time.com/5321262/science-behind- ... tionships/
Happier relationships, happier life
Ultimately, the quality of a person’s relationships dictates the quality of their life. “Good relationships aren’t just happier and nicer,” says Johnson. “When we know how to heal [relationships] and keep them strong, they make us resilient. All these clichés about how love makes us stronger aren’t just clichés; it’s physiology. Connection with people who love and value us is our only safety net in life.”
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How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 177612Unread post Gary Oak »

I do believe that living longer is better than the alternative https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... on=1127789

The Purpose-Driven Life Could Also Be a Longer Life
New research suggests that a sense of purpose may boost longevity, but why?

Posted Jun 08, 2019
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The purpose-driven life is arguably the most fulfilling life, but new research suggests it may also be a longer one.

Researchers analyzed data from nearly 7,000 people, all age 50 and older, who were part of the Health and Retirement Study (HRS), a national observational study that included a "life-purpose" questionnaire.

Questions ranked how strongly the participants felt about the purposefulness of their lives, asking them to respond to statements like, “I enjoy making plans for the future and working to make them a reality” with a score between 1 and 6. Other statements such as “My daily activities seem unimportant to me” tested the opposite end of the purpose spectrum. By averaging the ranked responses across all of the questions, researchers assigned each person a “life-purpose score.”

Participants answered those questions in 2006. Five years later, 776 of them had died. When researchers compared the mortality rates with the life-purpose scores, they found that people with the lowest scores were twice as likely to have died than those with the highest scores.

The researchers controlled for other factors that might influence the results, like whether participants suffered from depression, and the correlation remained significant. Another analysis excluded people from the study who had chronic or life-threatening illnesses, since those conditions may limit lifespan regardless of outlook, and the results still held true, although not as strongly.

This is strictly an observational study and doesn't prove causation. We can't know for sure that other factors outside of those tracked by the researchers didn't influence the outcome. But the results are still instructive because they reinforce something several previous studies have found: Psychological outlook often correlates with physical health.

This study couldn’t test the exact reasons why lower life purpose was linked to higher mortality—most people died from heart and blood-related maladies—but we can look to a growing list of other studies for clues. What that body of research tells us is that the most likely link between lacking a sense of purpose and higher mortality is inflammation. When the body's own inflammatory response to stress, disease, and injury isn't checked, it dismantles us from the inside out.

For example, a recent study found that extreme grief that undermines a sense of purpose appears to trigger high levels of life-threatening inflammation. This helps explain the effect of longtime spouses dying within days or weeks of each other.

More research has found a strong link between depression and inflammation, with recent findings suggesting that inflammation may cause or contribute to depression in a percentage of those suffering with the condition. Since depression drains a sense of life purpose, these findings point to a vicious cycle of health effects.

Another study evaluating factors that allow some people to live past 100 found that the single most important factor was managing inflammation levels.

Yet another study found a link between loneliness and inflammation. Loneliness can be both a symptom and cause of purposelessness, and increasingly science is finding it lurking behind deteriorating health. New research also finds lonely patients are less likely to follow medical treatment regimens.

Another example many of us are anecdotally familiar with is what often happens when someone can no longer take care of a home, or work their job, or maintain other routines that invest life with a sense of purpose. Frequently health declines from that point on.

The takeaway is that while having a sense of purpose isn't the whole story when it comes to longevity, it appears to be a big part of the story. More research is needed to better understand why a sense of purpose seems to counterbalance inflammation, and possibly also affect other health-related factors. There are certainly many "whys" left to be uncovered. For now, there's enough evidence to suggest that living with purpose can play an important role in both mental outlook and long-term health.
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How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 177622Unread post Blue Frost »

Of course having a reason to live helps, you just lay down you die.
I know ill likely die early, but I still try for my family to stick around. I'm trying to work on things for them, and myself to help out.
The old saying you don't use it you loose it is a fact, not just a little saying.
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Re: How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 183589Unread post Tribrid Vampire »

I had to stop being friends with a certain toxic selfish friend. All he care about is himself. The guys got issues. He would phone and text me sometimes. Wanting to be friends but I have had enough of putting up with his shitty attitude. All his friends stopped being his friend. I keep reading and watching these YouTube videos on why you should get rid of toxic friends.
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Post: # 183599Unread post Gary Oak »

I realized a couple of years ago that I was self centred and how ugly self centeredness is. The cure I believe also for a big ego is realizing how ugly and small , less than it makes one.
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Post: # 185337Unread post Gary Oak »

Why humour gives you a healthy brain. https://www.miamitimesonline.com/lifest ... ABQ9d0y8Ts
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Re: How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

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Gary Oak wrote: June 7th, 2018, 11:43 am I like people that are happy all the time. Hopefully some of that happiness will rub off on me.


Well, Gary, maybe you should check out the park on a rainy day. (After Covid I mean.) :)
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Post: # 185366Unread post Gary Oak »

Different emotions I recently found out have different frequencies. I also just finished a book on feng shui and I wonder if what it says about the emotions leaving an energy behind in places one is isn’t true.
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Post: # 185373Unread post Tribrid Vampire »

Gary Oak wrote: June 9th, 2020, 8:41 am Different emotions I recently found out have different frequencies. I also just finished a book on feng shui and I wonder if what it says about the emotions leaving an energy behind in places one is isn’t true.
Crystals can cleanse negative energy.
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Post: # 185382Unread post Renee »

beanthere wrote: June 9th, 2020, 1:18 am
Gary Oak wrote: June 7th, 2018, 11:43 am I like people that are happy all the time. Hopefully some of that happiness will rub off on me.


Well, Gary, maybe you should check out the park on a rainy day. (After Covid I mean.) :)
That's a classic. It's one of the tunes I have on an old IPod that I refer to as my "guilty pleasures" music.
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Re: How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Post: # 185384Unread post Gary Oak »

Reverse Flash wrote: June 9th, 2020, 4:00 pm
Gary Oak wrote: June 9th, 2020, 8:41 am Different emotions I recently found out have different frequencies. I also just finished a book on feng shui and I wonder if what it says about the emotions leaving an energy behind in places one is isn’t true.
Crystals can cleanse negative energy.
How can crystals cleanse negative energy ? If they do then how? This does ring a bell so I think that I may have heard of this before once upon a time.
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