In honor of my most recent ban from the library...

[RDL]

Now that I've been banned from the library again (possibly for good, and possibly because they found out I was using the internet when I wasn't supposed to be, as per the 2013 agreement)...

I can't do anything other than job search at the job search place...

So I'll only be able to access these forums from the internet cafes... not all the time, but an expensive rare treat from time to time...

But when I am here, I'll be able to listen to music on the headphones... I didn't have headphones at the library but I do at the internet cafes...

So here's a music thread...

[video][/video]

[Blue Frost]

Someone found out, bummer.
You really need a pad so you can get to some hot spots, and use the free internet.

[RDL]

It's not just the people at the library that are mad at me...

The people at my AA meetings are fed up of hearing me talk about my drinking in moderation... apparently, it's total abstinence or the highway... one older woman was not so nice about it at a meeting last night... so I called her the C word, then stormed off before she could send her psycho Italian boy toy to beat me up... and there were a lot of people who go to that meeting that go to a lot of the other groups in town... so I can't go to any AA meeting without fear of running into any of the people who witnessed my meltdown...

So today is an AA-free day for me, just to see if I can live without it... long walk, church, another church, internet cafe, maybe an AlAnon meeting... thank God I could afford to come to the internet cafe today since I found a bus day pass at a bus stop and therefore don't have to pay for bus fare...

[Blue Frost]

So there a reason why you are so on edge lately, you seem to be. I hope if you are you can work it out, I know it's hard to keep control sometimes.
I stay home a lot because I'm not a people person, it's good, and bad.

[RDL]

I'm on edge because of having to look for a job that I might not like.
I'm on edge because of having to clean my apartment and my dad coming over to inspect it next weekend.
I'm on edge because if I can't find a job I can do, I might have to find low-income housing or move back in with my parents.
I'm on edge because I can't afford a disability bus pass and can't get to as many places as often as I would like.
On top of all that, my luck seems to be deserting me.
The grocery store, the library, and my AA meetings have all figured out I was doing stuff I wasn't supposed to be doing.

[RDL]

I'm not like you.
I don't give up on people.
I get out there into the world and find places to be and things to do.
When I fall out with people, I just find different people to be with.

[RDL]

I'm not going to that Alanon meeting tonight because it's too close to the AA meeting that the mouthy older woman and her psycho Italian boy toy attend on Sunday nights.

[Blue Frost]

What I here is you need to clean, and get it over with, and look for the job as you have needed, and been doing.
The rest is trivial stuff you need to let go, might be good you have more free time now for the important stuff like cleaning, and the job thing.
Every day is new, today my left arm is better, and no surgery, tomorrow if good Ill prepare for whatever life tosses at me, and it will toss something.

I gotta clean tomorrow some, not been able the last few weeks except doing little things.

[RDL]

But I don't wanna do any of that stuff right away.
I'll do one thing at a time.
Tuesday my tax forms will arrive, and I'll do my taxes.
Wednesday through Saturday I'll clean my apartment, and then my dad will come over on Sunday to inspect.
Then next Monday I'll resume my job search.

[Blue Frost]

My taxes was finished Friday, had to wait because the woman forgot to do them.

Hey look, you may not want to do that stuff, but after you do it wont be on your mind eating at you.
That's why I'm always busy doing stuff when I can because it drives me nuts, and I do get testy.

[RDL]

But do I have to do it all at once?
Can't I just break it down into manageable pieces like I just described?
It's a lot of pressure -- no wonder I've been on edge.

[Blue Frost]

You have known about cleaning for a month at least now, you could have had it done . I make it a point myself no matter how bad I hurt, or feel to do 5 minutes a day of something that needs done, I get a lot done that way, in a week that's 35 minutes, a month two hours plus.

[RDL]

I've actually been neglecting my cleaning for the last 2 years... roughly the same amount of time that I was accessing the internet at the library when I wasn't supposed to... I can see the correlation

[RDL]

I actually kept track of how much time I spent on the internet at the library these last 2 years...

FIVE HUNDRED AND TWENTY HOURS!!!!!

[Blue Frost]

5 minutes a day, all it takes.
We all do something daily we could be doing something important instead. It really bothers me when I can't do stuff needing done so I stress a lot.

[Blue Frost]

I bet I have you beat on the hours

[RDL]

bye

[Blue Frost]

Be safe, and try to enjoy life if you can,

[RDL]

Update: Did my taxes on Tuesday

[RDL]

Update: Did my taxes on Tuesday

Cleaned my apartment on Saturday