Muslims think Canadians are dirty for using TP

[Skipper]

I’m not always the biggest fan of Muslim countries, but one thing I have always loved and appreciated about them are the Muslim showers. These are the little hand-held shower heads found in Muslim countries and are usually where the toilet paper roll would be in Western countries. This little aquatic beauty is used to wash oneself after urinating or, most especially, after defecating. They go hand in hand with the Islamic rule to always stay clean especially when it comes to matters of bodily waste. But, when you grow up Muslim in a non-Muslim country, you often struggle with finding a balance between keeping clean and adapting to the new culture.



The Khans moved to Canada in 1995 after a five-year stint in Dubai. The Khan parents made sure that their spawns were born in their homeland of Pakistan before beginning the shift to a more progressive country that would suit the lifestyle and ideology that they would inevitably pass on to the Khan spawns. My brother and I grew up with Mama Khan wiping our butts not only when we were in diapers but when we began using the toilet on our own as well. Learning to wash after urinating was easy enough, but learning to clean after defecating took some learning.

By the time we moved to Canada, we were well-versed in how to wash ourselves, but to our mild surprise, there was no Muslim shower, nor a lota—the pot traditionally used to wash. Mama Khan bought a milk bag holder (thanks to Canada predominantly selling bagged rather than cartons of milk) and we used that as a makeshift lota. We used a milk bag holder to wash with for years until my mum one trip to Pakistan with a couple of beautiful steel lotas—real lotas—and she continues to use these to this day.

If your family was like mine, you came up with alarmingly ingenious ways to satisfy both cultures.

Using public bathrooms became a challenge. Urinating was easy enough since a quick wipe would tide us over until we got home, but defecating was a whole other business. How to poop in a public bathroom when living in a culture that doesn’t wash thoroughly after every trip to the bathroom? If your family was like mine, you came up with alarmingly ingenious ways to satisfy both cultures. The Khans are splintered in our solutions to the pooping-as-Muslim-in-the-West problem. Papa Khan didn’t really care either way; when he could wash he’d wash and if he couldn’t wash he’d wipe. Mama Khan refuses to poop anywhere but inside her own house. Sometimes in those inevitably desperate times she’s forced to use the bathroom at work or at the mall to defecate, in which case she buys a small bottle of water to use as a makeshift lota.

[Sargent Smellibitz]

Lifting your feet when defecating is key... at least 4-6 inches... better a foot or beyond.

It places the sphincter in its natural position and reduces the need to wipe... sometimes at all.

[J0E]

Lifting your feet when defecating is key... at least 4-6 inches... better a foot or beyond.

It places the sphincter in its natural position and reduces the need to wipe... sometimes at all.

Yer one analy obsessed fella, Sargent Frood!

[Sargent Smellibitz]

Lifting your feet when defecating is key... at least 4-6 inches... better a foot or beyond.

It places the sphincter in its natural position and reduces the need to wipe... sometimes at all.

Yer one analy obsessed fella, Sargent Frood!

I'm only obsessed with a life lived cleanly and no prejudices.

I'm sorry that your mind and soul have been so thoroughly corrupted.

Maybe you'll elevate to a cockroach in your next carnation...